Ill-health often causes us to stop and pause. It’s a break in our regular lifestyle and may be a forced reality check that triggers a deeper review of beliefs, relationships, habits or priorities. It can also prompt a realisation that your identity may have shifted, or that a new identity is rising.
This questioning of your identity may be related to your growing realisation that you will not drive again, that ‘alcoholic’ is not an identity you are proud of, that struggling to hide some aspects of your identity is destroying you, that you don’t know who you are any more.
Recognising these struggles, asking these questions is you starting to resolve any internal conflicts and finding a new path to be at one with yourself.
Guidance from your chosen belief
Christian perspective
The Christian understanding is that each of us have been created by a loving God. ‘For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made’ (Psalm 139:13-14).
But life can throw things at us which cause us to question our identity as children of God. People, even parents, teachers or friends, may say or do things to us which are damaging to our sense of who we are. Things we have done, or things done to us can lead us to doubt God’s love for us and this can lead to self-doubt or self-loathing, or just confusion about who we are. It may be that you are struggling with a specific question of identity (sexual, gender, status, relational). One of the greatest discoveries we can make is that we are children of God, and that God is a good Father. There is great confidence and peace knowing this, which sustains us especially during difficult times.
Muslim perspective
Islam has been very transparent to its followers regarding the concept of personal identity. The Holy Quran mentions this regarding who we are, and how we fit into his creation, in the following verses below. “O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah, he who is the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted with all things” (49:13). “This day have I perfected your religion for you, completed my favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion.” (5:3)
Humanist perspective
A human being evolves over time, their life made up of many chapters, some of which represent a real break with the past or a change of role or identity. Breaking with the past can be scary or painful; the future may feel perilous or unsure. There is no rush to find your real self and live your truth, and you can write your own chapters for your own story.
Sikh perspective
Gurbani reminds us that we come naked, and we leave naked. Nothing is permanent. Therefore accept oneself, however you have been created. The creator has made you perfect in every way. Do not get so proud that if a loss has to be faced, you fall: this is part of life’s process. Be grateful and let the process take its course. Status is nothing. Do not let ego take over. We are all created with the same light.
Quote “ the emotional attachment to Maya shall not go with you, it is false to fall in love with it.” GGS ang 77, Guru Arjan Dev Ji.
Hindu perspective
Hindus believe in a cycle of Sukh (happiness) and Dukh (sadness). Hindus accept that the physical or material Sukh with material gain of wealth, an item or position is Mithya or false. The outcome of this gain or loss is relative as one may feel happy and another may feel sad with same gain The individual should follow the values and perform their duty and accept outcome as Ishwar’s Prasadam (God’s gift)-means accepting with sameness of mind. The happiness comes from one’s own thinking. This is possible if we also understand the fact that every situation is ordained by the Lord in the form of natural law, they can be happy internally by themselves. There’s a cause behind everything that happens in life, although the cause may be unknown.
With regards to sexual orientation, the Hindus accept every type of individual in the society. The great epics like Mahabharat have described a very fulfilling transgender individual characters in full tune in the society. The Hindus believe that the individual is created by Ishwar (Bhagwan or lord) and there is reason behind everything which we may not know but to accept as Prasadam (God’s gift). The Hindu prayers and scriptures like “The Bhagwat Geeta” explain this in very great detail.
Buddhist perspective
The key to working with what is so deeply unwanted, is to let go of the ideas, (the thoughts), about how we shouldn’t be as we are and what will happen to us if we remain as we are. Somehow we have to respect the conflict, welcome it, enter into it…we surrender and say, okay, what have you to teach me?…about letting go of control, about slowing down…about tasting the full experience of a moment…the light, the sound, the quality of our mood, of our pain, the sight of dust or birds or nothing special…respecting all that.
Ending old stuck patterns and opinions and habits and makes way for something new to be born in us. Really, you can trust that. Something new will be born if you’ll let the your conflict show you where to let go your grip…And please don’t scold yourself for failing, ever.
The first noble truth of the Buddha is that when we feel suffering, it doesn’t mean that something is wrong. What a relief. Finally someone told the truth. Suffering is part of life, and we don’t have to feel it’s happening because we personally made the wrong move.
Jewish perspective
To be a Jew is to struggle – indeed the word Israel, given to Jacob and used ever after by his descendants, literally means “the one who struggles with God”
Our lives are never straightforward, and rarely do we progress in a linear fashion through time. Each of us will have times where we struggle with ourselves, trying to understand who we are and how we might live our lives. Each of us will have struggles about particular issues and decisions, maybe choosing to move away from past certainties or expectations we held growing up. Each of us will find that life throws us curved balls, we cannot predict everything, we cannot be entirely “safe”.
So how does a Jew deal with such struggles? The first thing is to recognise that such struggles are a sign of us living our lives, weighing up possible futures, considering who we want to be and how we want to be. To struggle is to be alive. Judaism is a broad tent, basing itself and drawing inspiration from texts that cover thousands of years and many different cultural contexts. There is no “one right way” in Judaism, only an obligation to search thoughtfully and to be authentic to our own lives.
Judaism is more than a religion or an ethnicity, it is a peoplehood. The people Israel have struggled in every generation – with God and with the ordinary circumstances in which they find themselves. So a Jewish perspective on struggle – be it internal and with oneself or brought about by external circumstances – is that while the issues may weigh heavily on us, we can find a way through. Helped by community, by people who see us, by the texts within our tradition, life may feel overwhelmingly hard but history reminds us we are not alone, others have walked this path. Jacob’s struggle with God meant that forever afterwards he walked with a limp – he was marked by the struggle and changed for all time, but he walked into his future. We trust that we too will follow his example, changed by our difficulties but also able to face our future because of them.
Pagan perspective
If you are struggling with your identity, understand that we are all on a lifelong journey of self-discovery. The person you are today is not the person you were yesterday nor the person you’ll be tomorrow. Pagan ritual can help you learn more about yourself. Work more with the God and Goddess and other deities, and develop a relationship with them. As you discover more about them, so you also discover more about yourself. As above, so below. Ultimately, we are all at our happiest when we are living in alignment with our authentic selves. May you be granted the courage to be yourself, even when that goes against what others want from you.
Jain perspective
Jainism identifies a type of karma that affects our look, respect we get, our status in the society and similar. Ego and pride due to our status attach this type of Karma to our soul. When such karma, attached in previous lives come to the effect, they deprive us of an identity in this life. Instead of struggling to make an identity, accept this karma theory. Gurbani reminds us that we come naked, and we leave naked. Nothing is permanent. Therefore accept oneself, however you have been created. The creator has made you perfect in every way. Do not get so proud that if a loss has to be faced, you fall: this is part of life’s process. Be grateful and let the process take its course. Status is nothing. Do not let ego take over. We are all created with the same light. Quote “ the emotional attachment to Maya shall not go with you, it is false to fall in love with it.” GGS ang 77, Guru Arjan Dev Ji.
Baha'i perspective
Coming soon.