With time on your hands and maybe some time to review your life, it is often the case that people focus in on the regrets they have for poor decisions or lifestyle choices. Hindsight means that you can see things in a different light afterwards and maybe you wish you had the wisdom them to deal with things a little differently to avoid a relationship breakdown, a loss of financial security or putting your health at risk.
Although regrets may surface for you, the past cannot be undone. Your honesty in acknowledging your regrets may however loosen the grip they have on your thoughts and you may be able to extend a little kindness towards yourself – we all make mistakes.
Guidance from your chosen belief
Christian perspective
It is inevitable in life that we can have regrets; looking back and feeling bad or sad about paths not taken or actions that were not helpful. Sometimes we just have to admit to ourselves we made a wrong decision or acted in a way that harmed ourselves or others. If this is the case the Bible encourages us to ‘repent’. This means to admit to God where we went wrong, to ask him to help us change (attitudes, actions), to make amends (where possible) and receive His forgiveness. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9). When facing regrets, it’s good to pray, in the words of the old hymn; What a friend we have in Jesus, All our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry, everything to God in prayer! In God even our mistakes can be used for good as we trust Him; …in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
Muslim perspective
As we journey through life as Muslims, we will encounter different life experiences and perhaps make decisions, that we will regret, and some of us will carry these regrets, as a burden, for the rest of our lives.
We can find comfort and solace in the unconditional mercy and love of Allah, and he reassures us in the following verse, of the Holy Quran where we can call out to him.
Oh, Allah do not take us to task if we forget or make mistakes. Lord do not burden us as You burdened those before us. Lord do not burden us with more than we have strength to bear. (2.286)
Islam continuously reminds us that we can constantly turn towards Allah the Creator, regarding things we have done, and the things we regret doing. The Prophetic teachings reminds us that the holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said that “Regret is repentance “
Humanist perspective
A review of our life can prompt a recognition of poor choices, bad decisions, harsh judgements or lost opportunities. Our one life is a journey with twists and turns where the wisdom of hindsight might lead to regret and sadness. But where we are powerless to change the past, the present gives opportunity to recognise the learning that comes from pain, and an opportunity to avoid any further regrets by doing right by others.
Sikh perspective
A human being lives with many regrets in life. Gurbani tells us that if one repents after making a mistake and amends our ways then we are forgiven. We are reminded again and again that just like a mother forgives her child time and time again, in the same way Parmatma (God) is all forgiving. We do not know of our past deeds. The only thing we can do is make this life a good life. Do right. Be honest and truthful in all you do. Do not intentionally hurt anyone. Wish well for all. Love yourself and share love with others. Forgive, correct your ways and move on.
Quote “The one Lord, my Lord and Master is my Protector.” GGS 1136, Guru Arjan Dev Ji
Hindu perspective
As long as individual has done their Purusharth (efforts or actions) in righteous way the outcome is considered as Prasadam (God’s gift) from Bhagwan and to be accepted. The Bhagwat Geeta shloka from chapter 2 verse 47, Karmanye Vaadhikaraste …. clearly prescribes “ O human you have the choices only over actions, not over the results”. In case of inaction or actions and regret Hindus accept that the outcome can be positive or negative and is determined by the natural laws. The commission or omission of actions may also have unwelcome or unforeseen outcomes, such as guilt or hurt. We may, in some cases, need to reflect on our choices and learn from them. It is taught very strongly that consciously living a life of values – prayerfully, worshipfully – will enable a person to tap the grace of the Ishwar (Lord) such that one will be blessed with the clarity with which one can resolve one’s hurt and guilt. Living a life of values is living one’s life in harmony with universal, natural, moral law and order. The outcome is accepted for positive actions or efforts and regret is taken forward for change in efforts and actions in righteous way.
Buddhist perspective
Acknowledge where you have created harm to yourself and others. Do this until a sense of genuine regret arises. Reflect on things done with your hands and body, your voice or words, your thoughts. Hold nothing back. Know that every harmful or regrettable act of body, speech, and mind can be purified and dissolved by transcendent wisdom. You can rely on the presence of such all-embracing wisdom in this moment.
Jewish perspective
Regret, while painful, is the first step back towards being the person we want to be. It is understood to be the beginning of the journey of teshuvah – of “return” or repentance.
The Jewish year is designed to ensure that we have frequent times for introspection, to try to put right what is wrong in our lives, and to make teshuvah. The most famous is the full 25 hours of Yom Kippur, but there are a number of structured moments to help us, and as tradition says “the Gates of Prayer may be open or may be closed, but the Gates of Teshuvah are never closed”. In other words we are always able to reflect on our lives and the decisions we have made, and find the way back.
Jewish tradition has evolved so that theoretically the weight of our regrets should never become unmanageable – Judaism recognises that we will often behave in ways that later we might come to regret, that we are human beings who are fallible and prone to making mistakes. So we have a structure of regular introspection and repair. However we know that for many of us the structure is not helpful, or not enough, or feels foreign or irrelevant and there can be a build up of actions and feelings that my appear to be a barrier to teshuvah. It is important then to remember that while prayer may seem inappropriate or not possible, our tradition tells us that the Gates of Teshuvah never close – we can find a way through at any time if we truly choose to do so. There is a Chasidic story of the person who feels they cannot return to God; God says to them, come towards Me and I will come the rest of the way towards you”
Judaism does not believe in original sin. Every soul is born pure, every soul is holy. We all struggle in life, we all make mistakes and do things we regret. There are no saints. And we all have the power to make changes in our life, and God waits for us to reflect, to repair and to return.
Pagan perspective
We all have things in our past that we regret. Rather than spending time recriminating yourself about mistakes you’ve made, accept them. They have shaped the person you are and taught you important lessons to help you to be your brightest and highest self.
As pagans, we take responsibility for our actions, knowing we cannot change the past. We can however, ask for forgiveness and make our peace with those we have hurt, calling on the Deities we honour to help us learn from these lessons, and move forward into the new phase of our lives, being a better person.
Jain perspective
Jainism teaches us to repent for our wrongdoings that may have harmed other living beings. Seek forgiveness from all.
Baha'i perspective
“Let not the happenings of the world sadden you. I swear by God! The sea of joy yearneth to attain your presence, for every good thing hath been created for you, and will, according to the needs of the times, be revealed unto you.”
(Bahá’u’lláh, quoted by Shoghi Effendi in The Advent of Divine Justice, p. 82)