Feeling lonely or abandoned

The future may be looking very bleak to you due to your changed health or new realities or just being exhausted with the effort of living. You may not be able to find or feel much that is positive at the moment.

Guidance from your chosen belief

Christian perspective

Because loneliness is part of the human condition, it is not surprising that it is mentioned several times in the Bible including David in Psalm 142:4 he says, “Look and see, there is no one at my right hand; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life.”

Never forget that you have a friend in Jesus (John 15:15), and that the Spirit dwells within you to give you strength to handle your loneliness. He can offer you friendship that gets underneath the pain of your loneliness. While that pain does not go away, its sting is made fully bearable by the far deeper friendship of Jesus. Because of your union with Christ, you are spiritually connected to other Christians who will love you and be with you for all eternity. May you feel the benefits of their love.

Muslim perspective

There may be many reasons why you may be feeling lonely or abandoned at this moment in time. We recognise that these feelings can be painful and confusing. You may feel like you have no one to turn to, or that you are being punished by Allah.

As Muslims we believe that our life in this world is a test and that we will pass through alternating periods of happiness and sadness, health and sickness etc in order that Allah can distinguish between those that seek Him and His rewards and those who seek the worldly life and its pleasures. Indeed, in the Quraan Allah says “We will surely try you with danger, hunger and a loss of wealth and lives…”

A true believer therefore is one who maintains a clear level of Imaan (faith) during these times. Sickness is a trial and is a chance for you to become closer to Allah and to your faith. Reaching out can enable you to gain some perspective and understanding to enable you to make sense of some of these events. You may find comfort and solace in prayer and mediation so please let staff know if want support in this.

Humanist perspective

Much of our meaning in life and often our purpose lies in our relationships with others, our connectedness. When lives are disrupted, that may be when you miss those connections most, or may be when you realise that they are not as meaningful or equal as you thought. Our connections with others can affirm who we are and why we exist, so when we miss others, we are missing how they make us feel (loved, needed, amused, wise). Reaching out at such times builds connections with others that may go some way to filling those gaps and feelings of hurt.

Sikh perspective

It can be very difficult to be left on your own especially if you have always been surrounded by family. There may be many barriers, language may be an issue, the food might not be to your expectation, you don’t want to stay in a gown.

However let us turn the coin, take this time as a reflection. Maybe take time to do some mindfulness exercises, concentrate on your deep breathing. Your prayers will also support your healing. You may suddenly realise you like your own company. Reach out and speak to someone else – other patients may feel the same and you might share some lived experiences with each other. Any maybe you have made a friend or helped another also.

Hindu perspective

You may well feel lonely without your family around you, in unfamiliar surroundings and not feeling well. To be alone can be frightening and unfamiliar. Although the medical staff might be looking after your physical wellbeing, you may feel alone and emotionally unsupported without your family members around you, supporting you and keeping your spirits up. By turning your thoughts to God you can be encouraged to find strength and patience and even if your family cannot be alongside you, try to focus on their love and care for you until you see them again.We see the divine in all beings and especially in those who are here to care for and support us at this time. Remember, our true companion is the presence of the divine within us.

Buddhist perspective

Like other feelings that we encounter in our lifetimes, loneliness will come and go. Be more painful and consuming at some times than others. But loneliness and isolation cannot be evaded and indeed, should not be. They are part of the human condition on which we can reflect and learn, staying with your loneliness and exploring it, observing it with equanimity can be a way through. May you find a place of mental calmness from which to consider your feelings of loneliness without judging yourself.

Jewish perspective

The book of psalms, many of the prophetic books, and even some of the stories of Moses are records of the feelings of loneliness and abandonment felt by these very human individuals. These feelings are not uncommon, and particularly post holocaust there are many who question God and God’s role in our world. Jewish life is never lived alone – it is always embedded in community and peoplehood as well as family ties (both blood family and chosen family) so this is where strength can be drawn. While God is a constant in Jewish teaching and tradition, individual faith is a matter for the individual, and the actions and interactions of other people can offer support for those who feel estranged or lost.

Pagan perspective

We all feel lonely and lost at times and if you don’t have friends or family close, these feelings can be especially overwhelming.

As pagans we have many festivals and celebrations throughout the year which bring us together as a community. Connect with the energies of the season, it doesn’t matter where you are just take a moment remembering the time of year and that the sun and the moon are always shining down on us. The Ancestors, Deities we honour, and others walk alongside us. We are never truly alone.

Jain perspective

At times, situation arises that our family is not with us, our friends are unable to give us company, we cannot go out to meet others. Accepting the situation and diverting our thoughts inwards to our soul may help to realise that every individual is an individual, lonely. It is the Karmic destination of our soul that connects us to other individuals as our family and friends for only a period during this lifetime of our souls. Engaging in Dharmic (religious) activities such as prayers, meditation and reading of scriptures will engage the mind. It is important to recognise that loneliness is the fruit of our karma that has taken our loved ones away from us, and that we are not abandoned.

Baha'i perspective

“By the righteousness of God, should a man, all alone, arise in the name of Bahá and put on the armor of His love, him will the Almighty cause to be victorious, though the forces of earth and heaven be arrayed against him….”

(Bahá’u’lláh cited in Shoghi Effendi, “The World Order of Bahá’u’lláh: Selected Letters”, rev. ed. (Wilmette: Bahá’í Publishing Trust, 1982), p. 106)