Loss and grief

Christian perspective

The death of those we love is always devastating. It’s as though a part of us has also died. Will the pain ever stop and how can we go on?

In John’s Gospel Chapter 11, Jesus’ friend Lazarus died. This passage has lots to teach us about loss and grief:

• Jesus cared deeply for Lazarus’ sisters, Martha and Mary, as they mourned, indeed he wept. Jesus cares for you in your loss and shares in your sorrow.
• Jesus was there for Martha helping her to reflect on her grief. Jesus is there for you too, pray & ask him for his help.
• Jesus gave Martha hope. Jesus gives you hope. Death is not the end. Jesus promises eternal life to all who trust in him. Jesus said; “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die.” (v25-26)

Muslim perspective

The loss of loved ones causes us to grieve. It takes time to let go and return to everyday life as normal as possible. It has been written in the Holy Quran where it is mentioned “Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.” (2:156)

While sorrow and tears are an expected response to the loss of a loved one, it can be a struggle to express that grief in a reserved and dignified manner as it can be seen that an outpouring of grief demonstrates a weakness of faith.

It is important to bear in mind that the messenger of God said “I have not commanded you against sadness, but against raising your voice in grief”.

A firm belief in life after death is a foundational truth in Islam. Grief should be processed with the understanding that death is not the end of life, but a transition to an eternal one.

Humanist perspective

In our one life, we will all experience loss. This may be of people we love, our health, our possessions, our careers or even our dreams. Loss is part of the human condition and a reminder to savour what we do have and value in our life.

Your loss may feel unfair or inexplicable and the grief may feel unbearable at the moment. Your process of grieving is a measure of the value of what you have lost, of the connection you had with what you have lost, the impact that they made on your life.

As Humanists we believe in the resilience of people to restack their lives when things fall apart, in the kindness of others to assist in this, and in in the potential to find meaning and insight in the challenge of living with loss.

Sikh perspective

Loss comes in many forms. In the Sikh way of life, we are constantly reminded through the teachings that nothing is forever, health, wealth, family, life. Life should be lived in such a way that one is not attached to any of it. This is a hard concept however once we start working on it, it allows living life to be a little easier.

When thinking of loss and grief through death. Accepting the passing of a loved one is allowing the soul to be free. As humans we have our worldly connections but once again as the quotes below say, nothing is permanent.

Allow the grieving process, it is important, and do talk to someone. Every day will be different and that is ok.

Gurbani teaches us that death is inevitable. It is law of the nature. Whosoever is born must die. Rich and poor, young and old all die. Guru Nanak Dev has written:

“Whosoever has come shall depart, all shall have their turn” (SGGS 474)
‘Everyone comes here at the Lord’s command, leaves in His will and remains merged, too, in the Lord’s will.’ (SGGS:940)

Hindu perspective

Shri Bhagwad Gita says in Chapter 2, Verse 27 that ‘Death is certain for one who has been born, and rebirth is inevitable for one who has died. Therefore you should not lament over the inevitable.’ Shri Bhagwad Gita reminds us that the soul is the real self and it is in a transition when the soul attains liberation to move from one body to another, and eventually to attain the eternal love of God in the cycle of birth and death. May your prayers sustain and comfort you and may you tap into the reservoir of strength and love that brings solace to your heart at this difficult time. Let us pray for the onward journey of the soul of our loved one.

Buddhist perspective

Everyone faces loss at one time or another. Even though it may be traumatic and terrible, may you find it in yourself to accept loss; to see it as a gift. Maybe you can let loss work you. To deny grief is to rob yourselves of the opportunity to build on your wisdom and compassion. Grief it is a vital part of our very human life, a profound experience that can open up your compassion, not just of yourself, but of others too. The experience of loss can deepen your understanding and remind you to remain humble on your journey. In Extensive Enjoyment Sutra Buddha says: ”These three worlds are as impermanent as autumn clouds. The birth and death of beings are like the entrance and exit of actors on the stage.”

Jewish perspective

Judaism focuses on the living while being clear that death is a natural event. Loss and grief are to be expected in every life, and the community and liturgy organises around both death rituals and rituals of remembrance. The laws of aveilut (mourning) address both the honouring and respecting of the dead person, and the comforting the living who are mourning them.

When someone has died, the community help to organise the funeral through their burial society, and attend the services that generally take place each evening for a week following the funeral in the home of the main mourner/s. The community will come to the evening service in the mourner’s home, bring food for them and assist with any ordinary routine activities that the mourner is not able to do.

The mourner is expected to focus on their mourning in the first week (called “sitting shiva”). For the rest of the month (called the shloshim – 30 days) the mourner is expected to continue mourning and are exempted from certain religious obligations.

The formal mourning period for a first-degree relative lasts for one year and the mourner gently returns to all activities. At the end of the year – and for every anniversary subsequently – the mourner lights a memorial candle at home and recites prayers), and also goes to the synagogue to recite the mourners’ prayer with the community. If the mourning does not lighten towards the end of the year, the rabbis teach that this is no longer for the dead but a problem for the living, and the community will try to support and intervene.

Pagan perspective

As pagans, we work with the cycles of nature. As such, we understand that death is a part of life, as natural as the falling leaves making way for the blossom to come in the following year. Whether you believe in the Summerlands, reincarnation or something else entirely, know that our loved ones live on in our hearts.

Be kind to yourself during this time. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise and let them flow through you as the river flows to the sea. Ask your Ancestors and those who you honour to support you until you are able to let go, knowing the one you care about will always be with you, even if you can no longer see them.

Jain perspective

Loss of a loved one is shocking and painful. This is because we have developed an attachment to them and love them.

Jain scriptures explains death in the following way:

• Death is part of birth, it is inevitable.
• Every soul, when takes on a body during transition from one life to another, has a specific life span based on the Ayushya (life span) Karma attached to it and cannot be changed. Any kind of attachment, it be of property, loved ones or anything else, is a chain that keeps the soul bound in the cycle of life and death.

One must take a balanced view and come out of their grief. Recitation of the Namokar Mantra brings peace of mind.

Baha'i perspective

Verily, I address thee with such an appellation whereby the hearts of those who are endowed with intelligence, are dilated with joy; because, verily, this is from my heart which is overflowing with the love of God – and an appellation that proceeds from love will certainly be as a spirit for the souls, as a light to the eyes, as a life to bodies and as a dressing for the hearts and bodies which are wounded and lacerated by the afflictions of this world. Then be consoled by the praise of thy Lord, whenever thou art attached by grief and sorrow.

(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Tablets of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá v1, p.129)