Wondering why me?

Christian perspective

When faced with a serious illness or a difficult diagnosis, it is a common and understandable response to ask, ‘Why Me?’ The Bible doesn’t cover up the problem of suffering but it does give us some resources which can help us:

• Be honest with your feelings (Job 7:11)
• God knows what you are going through. (Psalm 139:3)
• God understands. (Psalm 116:1)
• God cares, so hand over all your worries in prayer. (1 Peter 5:7)
• God forgives our wrongdoing, when we confess (1 John 1:9)

The Christian belief is that God sees, understands, cares and forgives. Jesus promises never to leave those who trust, but to be with them and to live in them (John 14:23). In everything God is at work and can bring good out of even the most desperate situation (Romans 8:28). God gives us hope not just for this life but for eternal life where there will be no more suffering (John 3:16). Why not talk to God by praying now?

Muslim perspective

Coming into hospital for anyone can be a stressful and anxious time but as a Muslim you may be feeling there are some deeper questions that are troubling you.

Have I been a good Muslim in the past? If not, am I getting punished for this now? I have tried to lead a virtuous life. I have been praying, fasting so why is this happening to me? As a Muslim it is ok to ponder on these questions. Indeed, it is mentioned clearly in the Quraan that we will be tested;

“We shall test you with fear, hunger and by loss in wealth, health and produce…” (Surah Bakara;155)

It is also clear that for Muslims during difficult times turning to Allah can provide comfort and strength and help develop patience, something that carries a great reward in the Hereafter.

“Give glad tidings to the patient. People who when stuck with a calamity say; to God we belong and to Him we are returning.” They are those on whom the blessings and Mercy of the Lord descends and they are the guided” (Baqara;155).

Humanist perspective

There may not be any reason why this has happened to you. Looking for a reason may not even be useful, especially if it looks for guilt or ill-intent. Sometimes there is bad luck, a design fault or unavoidable circumstances. Life is not always fair or equal. Accepting the arbitrary in nature and inexplicability of happenstance means that energy does not need to be spent on blaming rather than recovering or surviving. In knowing that there is no plan that you have fallen foul of, you are equipped to make your own decisions about what next.

Sikh perspective

Why me is often a question that only comes up in hardship. Do we question the good times?

In the Sikh Way of life we are constantly reminded to take the good with the bad and reminded that what may feel like a bad time, may also be good in the long run. Once again it’s a hard thing to grasp when life seems to have taken a difficult time. A reminder to oneself is nothing lasts forever and pain, discomfort are also part of that. You will get through this. You may find comfort in reading Dukh Bhanjan Sahib. The Guru Granth Sahib reminds us that pain is actual the medicine that bring us close to Waheguru (God).

Hindu perspective

In Karma, every action has a reaction and therefore your actions have consequences if they are performed with selfish desires and expectations. Karma is the law of eternal justice. Feeling guilty or looking for a reason may not be useful. Having ill-health may just be bad luck or unavoidable circumstances. Accepting the situation means that less energy is spent on blaming and you are equipped to focus on recovering and surviving. In focussing on understanding the divinity within by pursuing your own self-realisation, you can better come to terms with your circumstances and move forward in a positive spirit.

Buddhist perspective

Buddha taught that all life is impermanent and that all those who are born must eventually pass from this life. However, everyone has within them the seeds of their past good actions, which have the power to bring a fortunate rebirth in the future. Although it may not always seem fair or obvious why you are suffering, may the power of your virtue, through the blessings of the holy beings, and through the force of heartfelt prayers, release you from suffering to find true happiness and peace again.

Jewish perspective

There is no single Jewish answer to this question. Judaism acknowledges that suffering and bad things happen in the world, that their existence is real and painful and without obvious purpose or rationale. Bad things can and do happen to good people. Such suffering should not be denied or “explained away” but confronted and acknowledged. Judaism teaches that we should not passively accept suffering or evil events, but use our gifts (such as time, intellect, thoughtfulness etc) and our selves to lessen or even try to prevent suffering. So for example medical research and medication to reduce pain and symptoms are both encouraged in Judaism, along with human contact and recognition of the reality. There is no idea that God has chosen us for the suffering we are enduring, nor that our own behaviour has led to our deserving a health or other problem. Rav Soloveitchik speaks of accepting pain and suffering with dignity and humility. This is radically different than accepting suffering with equanimity, which enables a person to persevere through hardship but offers no meaning or purpose to the suffering. The dignity and humility of a human being derives from the fact that we are all created in the image of God, b’tzelem Elohim. Accepting with humility means we acknowledge the Hand of God, even as we cannot fathom God’s plan. Accepting with dignity means we heroically attempt to assert our humanity, our spark of Divinity, even in the midst of the incomprehensible. So that we don’t just endure, we uplift; we don’t passively accept, we actively rebuild; we don’t ask why, we ask what can we do to make it better and how will we lead our lives differently as a result of this experience. In the larger view, Judaism teaches that even as nature may defeat us or we may lose battles against destroyers, ultimately evil will be annihilated and suffering will cease to exist. In short, we acknowledge the reality of suffering, resolve to oppose and resist it in any way we can and hold tight to the belief that we will one day eliminate it and triumph over its demise.

Pagan perspective

If you find yourself asking why me, try considering why not me?

Everyone has their own challenges. We never know what is going on in someone else’s life and what struggles they’ve had to deal with. All our trials bring us the opportunity to learn and grow. Maybe this is a time to learn to practice compassion towards yourself. Whatever you are going through, try to see what you might be able to take from it and transform it into a positive energy.

You may find meditation helpful during this time or practising mindfulness to be more in the moment without judgement.

Jain perspective

Jainism explains every situation, adverse or favourable, with the help of the theory of Karma. The soul’s continuous journey through death and rebirth is due to the karma attached to it. Our soul, due to good and bad deeds, bind good or bad karma respectively. This karma comes to fruition in the form of comfort or pain. Accept that the existing situation is the result of our own deeds in our previous lives, and it is important to not repeat these mistakes and live in the correct manner.

Baha'i perspective

“O My servants! Sorrow not if, in these days and on this earthly plane, things contrary to your wishes have been ordained and manifested by God, for days of blissful joy, of heavenly delight, are assuredly in store for you. Worlds, holy and spiritually glorious, will be unveiled to your eyes. You are destined by Him, in this world and hereafter, to partake of their benefits, to share in their joys, and to obtain a portion of their sustaining grace. To each and every one of them you will, no doubt, attain.”

(Bahá’u’lláh, Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá’u’lláh, CLIII)